are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
