i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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