I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
