Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
