I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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