kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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