Is it because I queefed?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
