Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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