he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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