There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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