Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
