you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
