I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
