I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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