Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pants are for mortals
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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