24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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