she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
