Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it penis luge time yet?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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