i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
