Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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