My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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