I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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