If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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