I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
