JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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