I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't make out with my wife yet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
