I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
