Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
