so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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