my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
