Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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