Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
