I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
