Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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