My first STD was from a foam party
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
