It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
