If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
