Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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