i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
