there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
