I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's the barista slut.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
