Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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