I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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