as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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