if you like me you must not know who I am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
