Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
