if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
