I think my vagina is haunted
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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