I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
