what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
